Ask the Coach - Empty Nest

By: Merrill Pierce

Dear Merrill,

I am recently divorced and am an empty nester, (one going to college, the other moving in with his girlfriend) In addition to these two changes, I am dealing with a new manager at work.

I have never been great at dealing with change of any kind, but having all three at once is quite difficult.

Do you have any suggestions, or do you offer courses on this type of thing?

Thanks for your help,

Signed, change averse and sad Dad.

Dear Averse and Sad Dad,

First let me say that going through any change can be tricky, but you have three significant life changes that are difficult each on their own.  Here  are some thoughts that may assist through this challenging time.

First, when a change feels most stressful, relief can often be found in finding the good things that it brings.  A broken relationship, kids leaving home may seem like the end of the world, yet they can also be blessings in disguise.

Give yourself time to accept any changes that you face. And as change happens, recognize that you may need time to adjust to your new situation. Allow yourself a period to reconcile your feelings. This can make big changes feel less extreme.

Often going with the flow (albeit challenging at times) can help you to accept change instead of resisting it.  Try to stay flexible it may help you ride out the change without too much turbulence.

I find that no matter how large or difficult a change is, we eventually adapt to these new circumstances. Remember that regardless of how great the change, all the new that it brings will eventually weave itself into the right places in your life.

 All change involves a degree of learning. If you find change particularly stressful, try to keep in mind that after this period of transformation has passed, you will be a wiser person for it.

And finally, don’t  feel like you must cope with changing circumstances or the stress of making a change on your own. Talk about what’s going on with a friend or write about it in a journal. Sharing your feelings can give you a sense of relief while helping you find the strength to carry on.

Remember navigating your way through a life change or even dealing with a new boss won’t be easy. Becoming upset or moody during a period of change is natural – give yourself permission to feel all your feelings.  But remember, this will pass, and you will be more resilient for having faced this period of adversity.

Best,

Merrill

Wishing you a great summer and bidding my readers a brief goodbye for July and August – see you in September! 

We have the pleasure of joining forces with Merrill Pierce, a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) accredited by Corporate Coach U, and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). She is also an accredited member of Society of Organizational Learning (SOL), and an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) mediator certified by the ADR Institute of Canada.

Merrill has spent over 20 years working at a number of Fortune 500 companies, of which 10 years were at the senior executive level. This background provides her with a solid and practical understanding of personal and professional issues, challenges, and concerns. Merrill is also a regular contributor to the media and has published several articles and white papers on business related topics.

Merrill is ready to tackle YOUR questions! Whether they are personal, or professional - she can anonymously answer your submissions, and help you navigate any relevant challenges occurring in your life. Doing so could help others in similar situations and scenarios. Merrill will also be presenting advice on relevant, general topics to help our readers. If you want to send a question to Merrill, please submit to askmerrill@gmail.com before the Monday of each week (otherwise your question may be held til a following week!).