Ask the Coach - May 30th
By: Merrill Pierce
Dear Coach,
I manage a small group of 15, most of whom are very good to work with and easy to lead and direct. Most are excellent at taking direction, but I have a new employee that is challenging for me. I assume I am challenging for him as well.
My personality tends to avoid difficult conversations in the hopes that things work themselves out, but in this instance, I really need to manage the situation.
Do you have any ideas on how best to tackle this tough conversation, with as little fall out as possible?
Thanks, signed conflict averse
Dear Conflict, Averse,
Difficult conversations are difficult for a reason. Identifying the behaviour or effort of others can be very uncomfortable especially when identifying a problem. There are many self-help/difficult conversation books on the market that help folks navigate these scenarios.
If you find yourself shying away from the tough conversation, perhaps consider following this framework, which I picked up from the work of CEO, Paul Walker – Franklin Covey.
Intent – before you dive into what you want, focus first on why it matters – be explicit about it. This is a chance to show caring by spelling out why they matter, why the work they do matters and why struggling with a tough conversation to improve whatever needs improving is worth it – for both of you.
Timing – demonstrate the importance with timing – be proactive and deal with the issue head on – don’t wait for weeks following an incident to bring it to their attention.
Urgency - waiting, only makes things more difficult and gives the original issues you are trying to resolve more tie to get worse
Clarity and active listening – clearly explain the issue and listen for what they are saying.
Most people avoid having difficult conversations because they don’t want to make anyone feel bad – that is a mistake. The point isn’t the conversation itself, but what’s on the other side of it.
Done properly, a difficult conversation is the quickest way to turn tension into progress. – So, try not to put it off and tackle them with optimism rather than dread.
And if you would like to explore another resource – Check out Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. An excellent guide and framework for tough conversations.
Best,
Merrill
