Ask the Coach - Walking on Eggshells
By: Merrill Pierce
“Leaders should never make employees feel like they are walking on eggshells!”
Dear Merrill,
I recently had a falling out with my boss. She is a very strong-willed individual, who often seems frustrated with her team. Instead of showing us how she would like us to behave, she often demonstrates behaviour that has many of us feel as if she is angry. She is a wonderful person but when she is upset, rather than being able to help us through the difficult time, she uses actions and often words that demoralize and demotivate us.
I too lead a small group and work very hard at making sure they know that I respect what they do both as employees and as individuals. I believe that we need to show people how to be the best and bring the best to any situation. I really respect my boss, but these situations leave everyone feeling as if we are walking on eggshells. Can you help me to find a way to raise this topic without it becoming volatile? Sincerely, S.
Dear S.
We all have moments of frustration, but at no time should people be made to feel as if they are being punished – especially in a work context, when they are or have done their best. Perhaps there are things going on in your boss’s life that have created this level of frustration, however – behaviour that results in the team feeling apprehensive, uncertain, afraid and or demotivated does not bode well for anyone.
An open discussion around an intentional leadership style may be something to bring to your bosses’ attention. Being an intentional leader may seem self explanatory, it ensures that the person acts intentionally as a leader rather than letting things happen or develop without direct intervention. Being intentional also gives the individual time to react, to think and to then respond in an appropriate manner.
Being intentional also allows for a directness toward something. In leadership, intentionality is a focus on a goal or initiative, one that has purpose and meaning for everyone. People will see this leadership as deliberate and forthright – not personally affronting. Intentional leadership is also a way to be clear about what needs to be accomplished and taking the right action in every situation to do it.
Some things that your leader may already have may be intentional, however, the communication is more confronting and disarming. Check in with them to see if they have the following characteristics.
Deliberate in their actions.
Everyday actions align with strong well articulated vision.
Don’t leave things to chance.
Intervene without micromanaging or being controlling.
Want the best for the company.
Can delegate appropriately.
Want to cultivate strong, trusting relationships.
Remember, he/she may be facing personal hardships of which we are not aware. Empathy and compassion are important. Start there.
As well, remind them that no one drifts to a desired destination and that people are doing their best (if that is indeed the case) – also communicate that it is your intention and the intention of the team to achieve the best outcomes. Leadership of any kind is visual. When you function as an example and display the behaviours you want your people to replicate, the people you lead are more likely to perform with that desired behaviour -because they can see it! Equip yourself and your team to develop their highest potential.
Best,
Merrill
